Blog Post

"You're having a tantrum - aren't you?!"

Ollie Smedley • Nov 11, 2020

Sometimes it can feel IMPOSSIBLE to stop yourself!

As we walked along, my good friend put his arm on my shoulder and smiled at me.

The 'red mist' had descended and I was fuming.

“The thing is………” I said.

“And……..another thing”.

“And…..it’s just not on…”.

“Let it go, Ollie – just let it go and let’s enjoy this….it’s no biggie….”.

“I know, but………”. I replied.

And no matter what he said, even though I knew he was right - I was just stuck!

Angry. Right. Self-destructing in a tantrum at the age of 50!

And the cause?

I’m embarrassed to say…..not least as an accredited coach….

Another great friend had decided to change our golf arrangements at short notice and it wasn’t what I had planned.

In “MY” plan, we had a relaxed start to our “PERFECT” round of golf.

In our new reality, we were rushing because my friend wanted to get home a bit earlier.

I mean – how outrageous!

My reaction was ridiculous – but that’s not how it felt for me during those crucial 20 minutes when I was locked in my thoughts and unable to step back and see the bigger picture.

And, of course, the tantrum had consequences, even after I had sorted myself out after a few holes.

We lost heavily. Which affected my partner. And worse than that – I looked a complete buffoon to my best friends!

They’ll enjoy that for a while!

An apology. Forgiving myself (the next day). And the ability to laugh at myself and take my punishment have all helped smooth things over.

However, my reaction reminded me of quote by Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived Nazi concentration camps.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I read his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, soon after I took my coach training with Barefoot.

If you’ve not had the chance, it’s a surprisingly optimistic and uplifting read.

And for me, a chastening reminder, that no matter what gets thrown at me, I have more ways of responding than I can even imagine!

So as we head into another period of lockdown and things appear a lot less than "PERFECT" for many, I wonder if this approach may prove useful again.

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By Ollie Smedley • 17 Mar, 2020

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“I’m really busy. How are you?” “Good...yeah, busy too”. How many times have you heard that this week? However hard we try, this time of year always turns frantic. 🏆 Pushing 2019 business objectives over the line… 🎯 Planning for 2020…. 🍸 Social……. ✈ Holiday plans. 🎄 Christmas logistics – presents, diaries… ? And on and on… With a bit more than 2 weeks to go until Christmas, I call this stage: “I CAN STILL DO EVERYTHING!" - all that’s needed is for EVERYTHING to go perfectly and for NOTHING to get in the way.... I thought it might be better being self-employed but this week I’ve been juggling my diary, new client intake sessions, finishing my tax return, drinks with network….. Until, just in time, I noticed myself starting to inwardly grumble about leaving my desk for my daughter’s school concert. 🙈 Hmmmm…………the power of self-awareness… So I had a firm word with myself and was reminded: . I really can’t do it all. . Much of it can wait or doesn’t matter. . I won’t be distracted from the really important stuff ❤ What are you NOT going to do as you race to the finish?! Ps. The concert was fab!